The Window
One of the underrated perks of being driven is the chance to be fully present. You don’t have to worry about the safety of yourself or others around you. Instead, you’re free to observe, to take in the little details of the world around you. Driving often comes with a kind of tunnel vision, but being driven widens your view. You notice more. You feel more.
This morning, I had the chance of commuting in a coach. If you’ve ever been in one then you know how high they can be compared to regular cars. It is because of this height advantage that I found myself looking out the window and saw a schoolgirl walking by. She was moving briskly with her schoolbag bouncing behind her with each step. She wasn’t running but her urgency said everything, she must be late. I wondered what could have caused this lateness and the possible punishments she might face for it, and if she was a regular latecomer or if she had just been dealt a bad hand this morning.
Just a few steps behind her, a man pushed a wheelbarrow filled with coconuts. He seemed to move with little effort, but I could see the weight of the load on his hands. I wondered how long he had been walking, how early his morning had begun, how many coconuts he had sold and how many more he would have to sell today to break even. Or maybe if he had a little girl like the one walking ahead of him.
These are the kinds of questions and stories we often miss when we’re too busy behind the wheel or too preoccupied with life itself. Why do these questions matter? Why do we need the stories of strangers we may never encounter again?
Sonder
Wikipedia defines sonder as the profound feeling of realizing that everyone, including strangers passing in the street, has a life as complex as one’s own, which they are constantly living despite one’s personal lack of awareness of it.
This is what happens when we wonder about the circumstances of a random person we meet on the street. It allows us to discover that every person we come across has their own fears, dreams, passions, and aspirations.
We live most of our lives as the protagonists of our own stories. Everything revolves around our own ambitions, failures, happiness, and pain. But sonder reminds us that we are also extras in countless other narratives.
And this is why sonder matters. It invites us into the lives of the people we encounter. As the adage goes “You don’t know the essence of a man until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes.” We may not be able to physically switch places but with sonder we get pretty close.
How then do we practise sonder?
I personally believe this is something we do everyday but, for the purposes of being more intentional here are a few things we could do.
Pause and observe. Watch people, not as obstacles but as characters with their own unique stories.
Engage in curiosity. Ask questions when you can. Sometimes a casual conversation opens a door into someone’s life, and you realize how much you had overlooked.
Hold empathy lightly. You don’t need to solve everyone’s problems, but remembering their humanity shapes the way you treat them.
The Conclusion?
Sonder is a gift that deeply enriches our human connection. It tells us that we are never truly alone, because millions of lives are unfolding at the same time, each filled with echoes of our own joys and sorrows.
So, the next time you are on a commute, remember every window hides a life. Every stranger has a past, present and future as deeply layered as yours. And maybe, in some subtle way, you are part of theirs too.
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